just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
