omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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