So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
