his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
