Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
