Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
