I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
