My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
