I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
