Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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