And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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