I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
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