I wish I could punch you in the face.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
