Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
