Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
