Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
