Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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