dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
