You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
