That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I just forgot I was standing up.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
