People in love make me want to vomit
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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