im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
