Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
