Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
