U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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