Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
i believe in u and ur pee
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
