Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
