Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
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