i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
