She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
