I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
