then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
