He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
