Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
