maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I have tasted many bathrooms
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
