he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
