my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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