Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
