hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
