Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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