i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
