so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Pants are for mortals
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
