Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
