If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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