forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
