I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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