I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I need to stop coming to work sober
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Randomize
