the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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