question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
