My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
