Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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