I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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